I know it’s not nice to laugh at people’s misfortune, which is probably part of the reason why it’s so fun to do so. Anyhoo, this chick is a hack … if she had real hair rage cojones she’d just send everyone with a better hairstyle to a concentration camp like Kim Jong Un. 

It’s really hard not to see this as a scene from some lost John Waters or Andy Warhol film: woman leaving in rage, screaming “I’m a monster” & “he was ON DRUGS” as she turns over chairs and smashes mirrors like some enraged and poorly coiffured gorilla. File under camp as failed seriousness.

"I like to dress up as Bob the Builder, and luxuriate in a bathtub full of egg salad," the stunning Aussie model confessed to this reporter with a knowing smile.

PHWOAR! More like Mi-RANDY Kerr, amirite?! Eggs-cellent!

The disclosure of titillating details of her sex life is a surprising PR move for the 30-year old professionally attractive person, who after her break-up from Hollywood heartthrob Orlando Bloom has been romantically linked to James Packer. So, are the two high-profile Australians more than just friends?

Kerr is coy about the rumours: “Ah, James,” she says, her dewy ocular jellies coyly flashing. “He has the face of a dog’s arse, but the soul of a man with an enormous equity share in a major international gambling conglomerate.” 

Well, I think we all know what that means!

Whatever the status of their relationship, Kerr assures us she won’t be settling down anytime soon. “I’m enjoying the single life. I love being my own person. When I’m not working I can do what I want. Right now I’m halfway through a new translation of Spinoza’s Ethics.”

Not that there’s a shortage of suitors for this pulchritudinous antipodean fembot. And when asked if she’d ever consider a lover who wasn’t a man, Kerr laughed and replied, “Who’s to say I haven’t already? I don’t see gender. I just see adoring pathetic love serfs and their ritual self-debasement in thrall to my spellbinding sexual allure. Man woman, walrus … it’s all the same to me.”

Tusk, tusk, Miranda … you are so NAUGHTY!